How Relationship Anxiety Can Sabotage Love—and How to Heal It
You finally find someone who seems to care. Things feel good—maybe even too good. And then the spiral begins:
“What if they stop liking me?”
“Why didn’t they text back right away?”
“What if I mess this up?”
“Do I even like them, or am I just afraid to be alone?”
This is relationship anxiety—and it’s more common than you think.
As a therapist in Philadelphia specializing in relationship anxiety, I work with teens and adults who find themselves stuck in cycles of overthinking, second-guessing, or pushing people away—even when all they really want is connection. If this sounds like you, you’re not broken. But your anxiety might be running the show.
What Is Relationship Anxiety?
Relationship anxiety isn’t just insecurity—it’s an ongoing pattern of fear, doubt, or emotional turbulence in relationships, even when things seem to be going well. It can show up early in dating or deep into a long-term relationship.
Common signs of relationship anxiety include:
Constant fear of being rejected, abandoned, or not “enough”
Overanalyzing texts, tone, or behavior for hidden meaning
Doubting your feelings or your partner’s
Sabotaging closeness out of fear of getting hurt
Needing constant reassurance
Struggling to trust, even when there’s no clear reason not to
This anxiety can feel exhausting—not just for you, but for your partner, too.
Where Does It Come From?
Relationship anxiety often has roots in earlier life experiences:
Attachment wounds (from caregivers or past relationships)
Low self-worth or fear of vulnerability
Past betrayals that haven’t fully healed
Social anxiety that makes communication feel overwhelming
Perfectionism or fear of not being “good enough” to be loved
These patterns usually aren’t conscious—and they aren’t your fault. But they are changeable.
How Relationship Anxiety Sabotages Connection
Left unaddressed, relationship anxiety can quietly erode even healthy relationships. It can lead to:
Pulling away from good partners out of fear
Clinging to unhealthy ones out of panic
Misinterpreting neutral or kind behaviors as threats
Unrealistic expectations that leave both people feeling drained
Self-fulfilling prophecies of rejection or disconnection
In other words, the harder you try to “make it work” from a place of fear, the more likely it is to feel unsafe or unstable—for both you and your partner.
How to Heal Relationship Anxiety
The goal isn’t to never feel anxiety in a relationship. The goal is to understand it, respond to it with compassion, and learn how to relate differently—so it doesn’t run your relationships.
Here’s what healing can look like:
1. Name the Pattern Without Shame
Recognizing when anxiety—not reality—is fueling your reaction is a huge first step. Start noticing the stories your mind tells you when you feel triggered.
2. Tune Into Your Body
Relationship anxiety often lives in the body as tension, tightness, or a racing heart. Learning to regulate your nervous system through breathwork, grounding, or Brainspotting (a powerful therapy I offer in Philadelphia) can shift anxious responses at the root.
3. Challenge Your Inner Critic
Learn to spot—and interrupt—the voice that says, “You’re too much,” “You’re not enough,” or “You’re going to be left.” We work on replacing these stories with something more compassionate and true.
4. Heal Old Wounds
Often, current anxiety is being driven by old pain. In therapy, we explore what past relationships—romantic, familial, or peer-based—may be influencing your current fears.
5. Practice Secure Relating
Through therapy, you can learn what secure attachment feels like, how to communicate openly, and how to stay emotionally present even when you feel anxious.
Therapy for Relationship Anxiety in Philadelphia
You don’t have to choose between love and safety. With the right support, you can have both.
In my Philadelphia-based therapy practice, I help clients work through relationship anxiety using a combination of talk therapy, attachment-based work, and brain-body techniques like Brainspotting. Whether you’re dating, partnered, or trying to heal after a breakup, therapy can help you feel more grounded, confident, and connected in your relationships. Reach out using my contact form to schedule a free 15 minute consultation.